God's overall desire is to proclaim, promote and to protect His Oneness, and to include those who are willing to love Him with their entire being into His Oneness. As members of His Body we are to make every effort to preserve our corporate spiritual oneness (Ephesians 4:3-6).
Deuteronomy 6:4-5 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might."
John 17:20-23 "Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me."
To promote oneness God gave us the example of sexual intercourse between husbands and wives who have chosen to leave the security of their families of origin in order to establish a new family bond. Jesus left His Father in heaven to become engaged to His Bride, the Church. A physical marriage produces physical fruit, but our spiritual union with Christ is already producing spiritual fruit for His Kingdom.
Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and
his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
Leave is 'azab in Hebrew; meaning to leave, loose, forsake, to depart from, leave behind, let alone, abandon, neglect, apostatize, to let loose, set free, let go, free, or to be deserted.
Cleave is dabaq in Hebrew; meaning to cling, stick, stay close, stay with, keep close, stick to, stick with, follow closely, join to, overtake, catch, to be joined together, or to pursue closely.
Malachi 2:15-16 "And did not he make one? Yet had he the
residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed.
Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against
the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth
putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD
of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously."
One is 'echad in Hebrew; meaning the number one, each, every, a certain, only, first, once, once for all; and used in one...another, the one...the other, or one after another.
Putting away is shalach in Hebrew; meaning to send, send away, let go, stretch out, to let loose, dismiss, give over, cast out, set free, be divorced, or be impelled to leave.
Violence is chamac in Hebrew; meaning violence, wrong, cruelty, or injustice.
Those parents who stay together "for the sake of the children (seed)" understand God's heart. But God also understands human wickedness, and allowed permanent separation (divorce) so spouses would not have to endure cruelty or violence (Mark 10:1-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:10-16).
The sexual laws of the Bible are to protect the oneness of marriage. When two people become one through sexual union, they would reduce themselves to a half if they separated. Some people have had so many sexual partners that their fractions and feelings are close to zero, barely hanging onto a shred of identity. Our society has many fractured, fractionated people who need God's wholeness and identity in Christ.
Once we become whole (holy) in Jesus, we need to protect our spiritual oneness with Him by staying away from sexual immorality. We are Christ's spiritual Bride, bought with the price of His blood (see 1 Corinthians 6:9-20). We must not commit spiritual adultery against the Bridegroom by decimating that oneness through sexual immorality or idolatry.
1 Corinthians 6:16-17 "What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit."
God created Adam and Eve. He did not create Adam and Steve, or Alice and Eve, or Adam and Eve and Alice, or Adam and Steve and Eve and Alice. God's design for marriage is one adult male and one adult female, maturely separated from parental authority and free to unite sexually.
1 Corinthians 7:1-5 "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
Providing sexual satisfaction for one's spouse is definitely a case of mutual submission (Eph. 5:21) when desire is expressed. God affirms the sexual needs of men and women. God affirms the authority of both the husband and the wife regarding each other's bodies, and their need for consistent sexual intimacy.
Ephesians 5:31-33 "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
God affirms the sexual union is held together by mutual emotional edification. Men and women have different emotional needs: the husband needs to be respected by his wife, and the wife needs to be loved by her husband. Neither is to command the other to do his or her job, but each is to see he/she performs his/her obligation to his/her spouse. God created women to respond to a husband's love by growing in respect for him. God created men to respond to a wife's respect by growing in his love for her. If one spouse obeys God's command, it will naturally encourage the other to do so.
Hebrews 13:4 "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge."
Sex between a husband and wife is pure, and is to be respected by others. God will judge those who don't respect it.
1 Corinthians 5:11 "But now I have written unto you not to
keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous,
or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such
an one no not to eat."
Fornicator is pornos in Greek; meaning whoremonger, a man who prostitutes his body to another's lust for hire, a male prostitute; or a man who indulges in unlawful sexual intercourse.
Galatians 5:19-21 "Now the works of the flesh are manifest,
which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry,
witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which
I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which
do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God."
Adultery is moicheia in Greek; meaning one who breaks faith with a spouse or God.
The cost of restoring your reputation and/or your marriage and other relationships is much greater after committing adultery than it would be to resist temptation and work things out with your mate. Consider the repercussions before you do the sinful deed; it might keep you from ruining your life. Read chapters 5-7 in Proverbs.
Matthew 5:28 "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh
on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in
Lust is epithumeo in Greek; meaning "in heat", "passion upon", desire, or to covet forbidden things.
Advertisers depend on lustful desires: sex appeal sells. Both men and women are guilty of lusting after movie stars and buying magazines to stir their passions. To choose lust is to choose to break your marriage vows. David's lust cost him dearly, and he wrote, "I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes (Ps 101:3a)". Married couples would be wise to keep all pornographic and sexually suggestive material out of their homes so that they won't commit adultery in their hearts. For some that might mean turning off cartoons with men making wolf calls, and skipping the underwear ads in the newspapers.
Romans 1:27 "And likewise also the men, leaving the natural
use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men
working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence
of their error which was meet."
Lust is orexis in Greek; meaning desire, longing, craving for, or appetite. It is used both for lawful and unlawful desires.
Unlawful lust is sin (adultery and fornication in Galatians 5:19-21). It devalues the person lusted after and breaks the marriage vows. Society accepts homosexuality only after it has rejected God, and God gives them over to "vile affections". Churches which receive practicing homosexuals into their midst would be rebuked as Paul rebuked the Corinthians for allowing incest. The practice of sexual sins is not to be tolerated among believers. Christians do sometimes commit sexual sins which they should repent of and confess to another believer. Boasting sinners should be disfellowshipped; broken sinners should be forgiven and exhorted. Overseers need to protect the flock in their care from sexual predators.
Ephesians 5:3-7 "But fornication, and all uncleanness, or
covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither
filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient:
but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor
unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance
in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no man deceive you with vain words:
for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of
disobedience. Be not ye therefore partakers with them."
Whoremonger is pornos in Greek; meaning a male prostitute or fornicator.
As Christians we are no longer bound to Old Testament laws given to the Hebrews. I include this list for reference and as examples (1 Corinthians 10:1-13).
Deuteronomy 22:13-21 "If any man take a wife, and go in unto
her, and hate her, And give occasions of speech against her, and bring
up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to
her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her
mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto
the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say unto
the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her;
And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found
not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's
virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city.
And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him; And they
shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the
father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin
of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.
But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for
the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's
house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die:
because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's
house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you."
The cloth is simlah (salmah means clothes) in Hebrew, meaning apparel, garment, or raiment.
The feminine of cemel, which means image, is the idea of a cover assuming the shape of the object beneath. Perhaps this 'cloth' was a vaginal plug. Virginity was a serious subject to the Jews. A man wanted to be his wife's first and only lover, and he paid her father a great price to be assured of such.
Deuteronomy 24:5 "When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken."
Possibly the community did not require payment from the couple for one year, but blessed them with whatever goods or services they needed.
In Bible days they had polygamy with specific rules:
* A man could have as many wives as he could support and fulfill sexual obligations toward (Exodus 21:10-11). In chapter 29 of Genesis, Leah and Rachel use their children as pawns to barter for the privilege of having sex with Jacob. As with divorce, just because God allowed the Jews to do something, didn't mean it was God's best choice for them.
* A man was not to multiply wives unto himself (Deuteronomy 17:17). Solomon violated this law, and it cost him his relationship with God (1 Kings 11:3-4). There's no way one man could keep over 700 women sexually satisfied.
* Even if a man hated one of his wives, he still had to provide for her and her children according to God's laws (Deuteronomy 21:15-17).
Though deacons and overseers were to have only one wife (1 Timothy 3:1 and 12), there is no mention that other believers could not have more than one wife. U.S. laws prohibit polygamy, but I don't think American missionaries should force monogamy in polygamous foreign countries.
Leviticus 19:20-22 "And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free. And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the LORD, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, even a ram for a trespass offering. And the priest shall make an atonement for him with the ram of the trespass offering before the LORD for his sin which he hath done: and the sin which he hath done shall be forgiven him."
In the movie Ben-Hur, the main characters allude to the Hebrew 'right' of slave-owners to have sex with their slave girls before they got married. This verse contradicts that falsehood.
Proverbs 6:23-26 "For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life: To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman. Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life."
Lust is chamad in Hebrew; meaning to desire, covet,
take pleasure in, or delight in.
Eyelids is 'aph'aph in Hebrew, meaning an eyelash (as fluttering). Most of Proverbs is written to deter young men from whores and evil, and to redirect them toward the Lord's wisdom and an honorable wife.
Betrothals were legally binding, needing a certificate of divorce to annul them (Mat. 1:18-24). These arranged marriages provided many blessings to the community. The children would know that other parents in the community are observing them as prospective mates for their children, and that the selection of a good mate was in their parents' control - quite an incentive for good behavior. Parents often betrothed their pre-pubescent children, thus enabling children to go through adolescence assured of a spouse and able to direct all their hormonal fantasies toward a real person who would marry them. Knowing the strengths and weaknesses of the betrothed couple, parents could train each child to best compliment the future spouse. They also have years to make physical preparations regarding land, housing, furniture, and finances. Parents have already chosen to be united with the other family, so in-law problems are minimal.
Since evil parents were stoned to death by the community, the children didn't fear evil parents making evil choices for them. Not all sins were easily seen by the community. The bride price encouraged fathers not to commit incest; their daughter's virginity was worth from fifty to one hundred shekels of silver.
Exodus 22:16-17 "And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed,
and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife. If her father
utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the
dowry of virgins."
Entice is pathah in Hebrew, from a primitive root 'to open'; meaning to make simple, to delude, to deceive, to enlarge, or to persuade.
Dowry is mohar in Hebrew, meaning price (for a wife).
This situation may be likened to today's 'date rape'. This is not a stranger who rapes her in a field (Deut. 22:23-29), but someone she possibly knows who persuades her innocent mind to consider an indecent act. Then a 'shotgun' wedding ensues, or the man pays the bridal price for taking her virginity.
Deuteronomy 22:23-29 "If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel. If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you. But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die: But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter: For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her. If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days."
If a man raped a married woman, then both were to be stoned to death. If a man raped a betrothed woman in the city, and she doesn't cry out, then both were to be stoned to death. This law removes the rapist's main defense of threatening the woman not to scream; because if she doesn't scream, she'll be killed by the community anyway, so she's certainly going to scream for help. If a man raped a betrothed woman in the country, then only the man is to be killed for his crime. This makes the city safer for women than the country. If a man raped a woman who is neither betrothed nor married, then he would pay the bride price and she would become his wife.
The men who wanted to rape the angelic visitors in Sodom (Gen. 19) is well known. A similar story occurs in Judges 19-20. The sons of Belial (beliya' al means without profit, worthless; and evil and wicked) from Gibeah owned by Benjamin sought sex with a male traveler, but his host offered his own virgin daughter and the traveler's concubine. They took the concubine and gang raped her all night, and she died at the host's door in the morning. Then the traveler cut his concubine's body into twelve pieces and sent them to the tribes of Israel. They asked the town of Gibeah to hand over the men who committed the crime, but the town refused, and Israel went to war against Benjamin. In both cases, the rape gang consisted of homosexual men.
In Leviticus 18 to uncover someone's nakedness is the same as having sexual relations with them. The punishment was to be "cut off" from the community.
Leviticus 18:23 "Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to
defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast
to lie down thereto: it is confusion."
Confusion is tebel in Hebrew; meaning a violation of divine order or perversion.
Bestiality is on the heels of homosexuality in gaining acceptance in our culture. As with most perversions eventually accepted in our society, those in the media first introduce the sin as innocent or accidental until people become accustomed to it, and then the deceptive layers are removed until the repugnant sin is shown without pretense or shame.
Leviticus 19:29 "Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause
her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom, and the land become
full of wickedness."
Prostitute is chalal in Hebrew, meaning to ritually or sexually profane, defile, violate, or desecrate; or to wound, pierce or play.
Wickedness is zimmah in Hebrew, meaning an evil plan, heinous crime, lewd thought, mischief, or wicked purpose.
The media wants Americans to stay focused on the evils of child abuse so that they continue to shut their eyes to the child-sex rings which are present and growing in our cities. Some child-sex rings function through the foster care and juvenile 'justice' systems (as documented in Mary Pride's, The Child Abuse Industry and in Craig Lockwood's, Other Altars). Some pimps collect run-away children at bus depots, and run a profitable business with them. Though having sex with a minor is against the law, the law protects the Man-Boy Love Association. Public schools and the media constantly encourage children to become sexually active, kiddy porn is rampant, and our country has become "full of wickedness".
Deuteronomy 23:10-11 "If there be among you any man, that
is not clean by reason of uncleanness that chanceth him by night, then
shall he go abroad out of the camp, he shall not come within the camp:
But it shall be, when evening cometh on, he shall wash himself with water:
and when the sun is down, he shall come into the camp again."
Uncleanness is qareh in Hebrew; meaning chance or accident.
Chanceth is miqreh in Hebrew; meaning unforeseen meeting/event, accident, happening, chance, or fortune.
If a soldier had nocturnal seminal emissions while encamped for battle, he was unclean for a day.
Leviticus 15:16-18 "And if any man's seed of copulation go
out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean
until the even. And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed
of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even.
The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall
both bathe themselves in water, and be unclean until the even."
Copulation is shkabah in Hebrew; meaning act of lying (of having sexual relations).
Read Leviticus 15:19-30. Both semen and menstrual blood were viewed as 'unclean' aspects of life. They were treated with respect and distance. They were not considered evil, but unsanitary.
Song of Solomon 4:11 "Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon."
Some think deep kissing should be reserved for marriage.
Read Gen. 38:6-10. Onanism is not about masturbation, but about rebellion against obeying God's commands to raise up a family for his deceased brother.
Genesis 39 documents the sexual harassment Joseph received from Potiphar's wife while at work. He refused her advances verbally by telling her it would jeopardize his respected position with Potiphar and with God. He refused to listen to her or be in her presence alone. When she conspired to be alone with him, he ran. It cost him false accusation, job loss, and prison. Though Joseph was dispossessed in a heathen land, he chose to be a godly light instead of succumbing to the darkness. He showed himself to be a man of integrity like Job (Job 2:3 also see Proverbs 11:3; 19:1, and 20:7).
For those experiencing sexual harassment from unbelievers at work, follow Joseph's steps: 1) Flatly refuse at the first sexual advance; 2) Clearly state that sexual favors are not part of your job description; 3) Clearly state your Christian responsibility unto God; and 4) Refuse to be alone with the person. Joseph was a slave who could not freely change his work environment. If the harassment continues after you've followed these steps, take measures (managerial or judicial) to separate yourself from the harassed. If those measures fail, though it is unfair, it is up to you to flee fornication.
Abortion is a medical procedure which terminates an unborn human life. Abortion is murder, and murder is a sin in the Bible. I place it in this section because our society is attempting to make abortion a form of birth control. Biblical passages related to miscarriage and "untimely birth" are Exodus 21:22-25; Job 3:16; Psalms 58:8; and Ecclesiastes 6:3. The Jews consider children a great blessing as Jesus mentions in Mat. 18:1-9. Life in the womb is precious and wonderful (Psalm 139:13-16).
It never entered God's mind that parents would sacrifice their own children to false gods (Jeremiah 19:5 and 32:35). If the Hebrew community failed to put those murderous parents to death, God would cut them off (Leviticus 20:1-5). I doubt God ever imagined a woman would willingly kill her unborn child, but He knew a mother could forget and forsake her children (Psalm 27:10 and Isaiah 49:15).
There are rare occasions (in some Siamese twins and some pregnancies) when a choice must be made to remove one person from two joined lives in hope that one may survive. I abhor the use of abortion as a birth control method. More children and a greater population is never the problem, lack of responsibility is. I applaud Crisis Pregnancy Centers who counsel women to give birth. I hope the people of America will eventually regain the right, which the Supreme Court usurped, to vote on abortion.
Deut. 25:11 "When men strive together one with another, and
the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the
hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him
by the secrets."
Secrets is mabush in Hebrew; meaning "that excites shame", private parts, his privates, or male genitals. This is the only time this word appears in Scripture.
It is notoriously shameful or embarrassing for a man to become sexually excited outside of sexual relations with his wife. The first response to Adam and Eve's desire to know good and evil like God was to be aware of the need to cover their sexual organs. There remains inherent shame in exposure of sexual organs.
After potty training and personal hygiene has been fully completed, exposure or touch of sexual organs by someone other than a spouse produces shame. I think it's proper for a toddler to explore his/her own genitals without encouragement or discouragement from parents. Parents do need to help toddlers form early sexual boundaries as soon as they're potty trained. Parents should teach that no one else may touch the child's private parts.
God gives us lists of sexual sins, but never mentions masturbation. It could be that "fornication", "uncleanness" (see Deuteronomy 23:10-11) or "lasciviousness" include masturbation, but any argument from silence is a poor one. Masturbation is a personal issue between you and the Lord. Maybe the following insights will help.
1. It is almost universally shameful or embarrassing.
2. It can relieve physical sexual pressure on a short term basis (in the lower back for women, and in the scrotum for men).
3. Once practiced, it can be very difficult to quit.
4. It may increase sexual desire when practiced on a long term basis.
5. It's a better choice than having sex with someone previous to, or outside of, marriage.
6. It can lead you into a fantasy realm, rather than to real life.
7. It could tend to open the door to homosexuality since you spend time fondling genitals of your own gender.
8. Your body was designed to respond to your mate; masturbation is fooling your body.
9. Active dating/courting is the opposite of fantasy/masturbation.
10. It makes a strong statement of futility to your subconscious. "I have no hope for a mate, so I might as well."
11. It tends to keep you single by putting you in "I don't need anyone" mode.
12. The only acceptable long-term cure is to get married. Don't forget that God is gracious.
13. If you fantasize about someone other than your spouse while masturbating, it is considered adultery (Matthew 5:27-30).
14. It might convey the lie to yourself that you don't need your spouse.
15. You might be avoiding communicating your sexual needs with your spouse.
16. You might convey the message that your spouse is not sexually satisfying you.
17. It might defraud your spouse of the excitement or pleasure you could have had together.
18. Don't forget that God is gracious especially during times of war and other prolonged separations.
I don't consider masturbation a sin when it is lovingly communicated between spouses during times of sickness or separation or sleep, because the communication makes the sexual act part of the marriage relationship. But when masturbation is a secretive act excluding the spouse, it becomes a sexual act outside of the marriage relationship. Baal was the male god of fertility, and Ashteroth (from whence we derive "Easter") was the goddess of fertility. Some would say that masturbation is an act of worshipping these ancient gods.
As a single, if you can thank God for the blessing of sexual relief through masturbation as a means of keeping you from fornicating with someone, then "let not then your good be evil spoken of (Romans 14:16 )." "Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth (Romans 14:22)." If you believe masturbation is a sin, then don't let me or someone else convince you otherwise.
There is no Biblical reference to such activity, but there are several States with laws prohibiting anal or oral sex between husband and wife.
The Bible has much more material regarding sexual matters. God created sexual intercourse for husband and wife, and He takes a lot of time and space explaining proper and improper sexual relations in His Word. I have devoted separate chapters to incest and homosexuality. Our Father was not ashamed to share the bare facts of sex with us, nor should we be ashamed to share these facts with our children in His timing. The Bible is the best sex-Ed book.
Incest can begin with indecent exposure.
Genesis 9:20-27 "And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard: And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness. And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him. And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren. And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant. God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant."
Although no laws of God had yet been recorded, even looking upon a parent's nakedness had drastic consequences. Nations begun in sexual misconduct tend to become wicked. The Canaanites were so wicked that they sacrificed their children to Molech, and God wanted the Jews to drive them out completely. The Canaanites that were allowed to remain eventually led Israel into all their abominable practices. The father's sin causes his progeny to be servants.
In Genesis 38:6-30 Judah and Tamar develop a strange father-in-law/daughter-in-law incest and deception preceded by the brother-in-law Onan not fulfilling his offspring obligation. Leviticus 18:6-18 lists incestuous relationships as well as adultery, killing of own children, homosexuality, and bestiality. Lev. 18:16 is the one John the baptizer probably quoted to Herod regarding his incestuous marriage to Herodius (Luke 3:19-20).
Leviticus 18:27-29 "For all these things were done by the people who lived in the land before you, and the land became defiled. And if you defile the land it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you. Everyone who does any of these detestable things - such persons must be cut off from their people."
Brothers marrying their sisters was probably common until the Law was given, but parents having sex with their children was not acceptable. Though the Law was given to the Hebrews, the recent U. S. catastrophes might be the land trying to vomit us out for our wickedness.
In Genesis 13:10-13 Lot chose the well-watered plain of the Jordan to graze his flocks and herds, and he pitched his tents next to the wicked city of Sodom. Instead of remaining separate from them, as Abram did, Lot moved in and tried to become accepted as a leader among them. From 2 Peter 2:6-9 we know righteous Lot was vexed by the wickedness of the city. Either he was a missionary who hoped to lead these people to faith in God (and felt much like Noah), or he acted unwisely in order to inflate his own image.
Read all of Genesis 19. Lot was one who "sat in the gate"; possibly only as one who sought news and comfortable conversation, but more likely as one who wanted or had some authority (as is mentioned by the men in verse 9, see also Deut. 25:7). Lot sees the two strangers and immediately insists, over their objections, that they spend the night under his protection. Lot was one of the `less than ten righteous men' in the city of sexual perversion, and knew the men would be raped if they passed the night in the plaza. But Lot's house was not safe either. The men of the city surrounded the house and demanded to have sex with the strangers.
Genesis 19:6-9 "And Lot went out at the door unto them, and
shut the door after him, And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.
Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray
you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes:
only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow
of my roof. And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow
came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse
with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot,
and came near to break the door."
Brethren is 'ach in Hebrew; meaning brother; relative, kinship, same tribe; or each to the other (reciprocal relationship).
Shadow is tsel in Hebrew; meaning shade (as protection).
Pressed is patsar in Hebrew; meaning to push; to be insolent, or to display pushing (through arrogance or presumption). Same as in verse 3. To raise two daughters to the age of betrothal (probably late teens) as virgins in a city which recognizes no sexual boundaries was quite an honorable accomplishment, but Lot dishonors his daughters by willingly offering their virtue (and probably their lives) to the men in return for not harming the men under his protection. The daughters must have been devastated. Their father valued two strangers more than them. The years of enduring overprotection in order to present themselves undefiled to their betrothed ones was without worth, and they were of little worth in their father's eyes. The rape gang chose to attack their father instead, but the angels brought him safely inside.
The two angels rescue Lot and then warn him to get any other family members out of the city before it's destroyed. His sons-in-law consider Lot's warning merely a joke. Lot hesitates to obey the real authority of the angels when they tell Lot to hurry his family out of the city. The angels prevailed and dragged them out by the hand, for the Lord was merciful to them.
Whereas Abram bargained with God for the lives of others (Genesis 18), Lot bargains with the angels for the opportunity to be a big man in a smaller town. The angels tell him the mountains will be safe, and after a short stay in Zoar, they finally agree; and Lot lives with his two daughters in a cave. His wife didn't respect the angels' authority either, for she looked back and turned to salt.
All the cities of the plain had been destroyed, except for Zoar (from verse 25 it's not clear if the people had been destroyed) and Lot's two daughters had no hope that their father or God could provide them with proper husbands. The Bible doesn't mention if they had thought of going up to see if Abram and his clan still existed, nor how much time has now elapsed, but they felt isolated. The oldest daughter uses the noble cause of `preserving the race' as a reason to have sex with her father, and incites her youngest sister to do so also. Lot didn't consult his daughters when he offered them to the rape gang, and neither do his daughters consult him before violating his sexual boundaries. Lot's daughters made their father drink wine in order to conceive by him; thus producing the people of Moab and Ammon (whose ancestors are still enemies of Israel today). Incest and alcohol/drug abuse often coexist in families. Teenagers can be cruel concerning sexuality and try to pressure friends or relatives into having sex. Siblings shouldn't `try sex' with each other, or other relatives. Christians must not lose hope that God will meet our sexual needs according to His righteous standards. A person can only offer the precious gift of virginity once, and can determine to present it on the wedding night. Abuse survivors and those who have repented of willful sexual sin can determine to remain celibate until marriage.
2 Samuel 13 contains the story of incest in David's household between Tamar, Absalom's sister; and Amnon, Tamar's half-brother. Tamar was a fair virgin, and Amnon was lovesick (lusting) for her; he was so vexed, he made himself ill. Amnon thought it hard for him to do anything to her, but he had a cousin named Jonadab who was very subtle. He told him to ask David to send him Tamar to feed him on his sickbed. David did so unaware of any plot.
Amnon refuses to eat until they're alone, and then he grabs hold of her and says, "Come, lie with me, my sister." Tamar answered, "No, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not this folly. And I, where shall I cause my shame to go? And as for you, you shall be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from you." She knows the Law (Lev. 18:9 and 29) and that her father does not keep it. She'd rather be married to her perpetrator than live as a defiled woman in Israel, or maybe she is hoping the king will put a stop to it. But Amnon wouldn't listen, and being stronger, forced her and lay with her. He raped her, but because she kept him focused on the sin he was committing, it filled him with bitterness instead of delight. Then Amnon hated her more than he had loved her, and told her to go. Tamar said, "There is no cause: This evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me." But he would not listen, and told his servant to put her out and bolt the door after her. She went out and rent her robe, which the king's virgin daughters wore, and put ashes on her head, laid her hand on her head and sobbed loudly. (The act of intercourse was considered an act of marriage, but to put her out would be to treat her as a prostitute. Rape survivors need to grieve their loss and shame.)
And Absalom her brother said to her, "Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister, he is your brother; do not take this matter to heart." So Tamar remained and was DESOLATE in her brother's house. When David heard it all he was very ANGRY. But what action did he take?- none! (Absalom invokes the typical "no-talk" rule, instead of exposing the sin, and minimizes her trauma and grief; thus devaluing her. David is still reeling from his own sexual escapades, and is impotent in disciplining the sexual exploits of his children. Tamar doesn't have a father who will protect her or vindicate her, so Absalom takes revenge.)
Absalom DID NOT SPEAK to Amnon out of HATRED over the incest. Two years of SILENCE pass. Then Absalom MANIPULATES David into allowing him to have a feast with all the king's sons. With Jonadab's help, Absalom conceives a way to have Amnon killed by his servants at the feast. And when news reached the palace that Absalom killed all the king's sons, David is told by his nephew Jonadab, as if he's a prophet, that only Amnon is dead. (If David knew of the incest plot he contrived, why is Jonadab allowed to remain in the king's court to offer him information?) Absalom fled to Geshur and remained there three years. David was comforted concerning Amnon, but mourned daily for Absalom.
Absalom later fulfills Nathan's prophecy and has sex with his father's concubines in full view of Israel in a plot to take the kingdom from him (see 2 Samuel 12:11-12 and 16:21-22). These poor women also became desolate; after they were incested David did not have sex with them, and they lived like widows (2 Samuel 20:3). There was a lot of sexual sin and murder perpetuated in David's household.
Read 1 Corinthians 5 and 6. The church in Corinth thought it would convince the Gentiles of God's great grace if they allowed incest in their midst. The man is considered a "fornicator" according to verse 11. Paul tells them to stop giving a blatant sinner comfort in the midst of believers, and excommunicate him in hopes he'd repent later (which he did) after being buffeted about by the devil. (I believe the woman was not a Christian, and therefore not subject to church discipline.) Flagrant, unrepentant sinners who call themselves Christians must be disfellowshipped. Sexual sins as well as thefts and slanders should be judged among the brethren by the brethren, and then criminals, repentant or not, can be brought to authorities for punishment (Romans 13).
Read 2 Corinthians 2:5-11. Punishment in verse 6 is epitimia in Greek; meaning to mete out due measure, to censure, to rebuke, or disassociation. The "sufficient disassociation" of the man who flagrantly had sexual relations with his father's wife lasted about six months to a year. He must have repented and stopped his actions in order for the command "forgive him, and comfort him" to be given. When there is repentance, then forgiveness should follow. To remain in bitterness after the sinner repents brings defilement. No criminal charges were brought against this man or the woman for their sins ("two consenting adults"). But when a Christian commits a crime, forgiveness of the sin does not exempt the person from receiving punishment for the crime, nor does it mean the victim can not prosecute for damages (Exodus 21:12-27).
We don't know the ages of Lot's daughters or of Amnon and Tamar. But there is no specific mention in the Bible of adults incesting prepubescent children, though I think Matthew 18 sheds light on that issue (see chapter on God's Will).
I still have trouble believing incest happened to me, and now I understand how people can doubt their salvation. The trauma of incest, the fact that a trusted family member could approach you with such hatred and anger and rejection is so incredible that you try to rewrite reality. You choose to live a life of lies (often happy and fanciful ones) because the truth is too painful. Birth is traumatic - just ask any screaming mother or baby. The trauma of being "born again", surrendering to an Almighty Creator God who loves and forgives and accepts you, could also cause you to want to rewrite reality to fit into the pattern of rejection that you've known; basing your relationship on your performance instead of Jesus' finished work of redemption. But if you acknowledge Jesus as the one who took the guilt and punishment for your sins, and the expression of your life is moving toward the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) and away from the sins of the flesh (Gal. 5:19-21), then your "heart can be at rest in His presence" (1 John 3:19).
Incest destroys your personal boundaries and feelings of safety and acceptance. Instead of safety and acceptance being absolute matters, they become matters of degree: I feel safer while working, and less so when I'm not; I know I'm "accepted in the Beloved," but emotionally I fear I'm being judged on a sliding scale. Your family and church might not like it when you establish boundaries for yourself because you won't be as easy to manipulate, but I hope God's Spirit will give you strength and resolve to protect yourself from further abuse.
Survivors of childhood incest often become sexually perverse themselves. Their sexual boundaries were violated by adults or older siblings they trusted, often resulting in anger of those in authority, and confusion of sexual identity and basic morals. After years of fighting accusations from peers and pastors, while I was still single, I allowed myself to be seduced into homosexual sins with two other Christian women, one single and one married, several years apart. It was a case of "I do what I do not want to do." My great Redeemer has removed my guilt and shame, so I may confidently share my struggle.
I will go into some detail in hopes others will stop themselves before their relationships become sexual. I also want to make it clear that not all people who commit homosexual sins are involved in the homosexual lifestyle, just as not all alcoholics are bums on skid row.
Both relationships developed over several months. I was not seeking sex, but just trying to be a friend at first. Then I began to feel responsible for their problems and sought to "fix" them - I began playing god. Both women had bad relationships with their mothers, and I stepped into the role. Holding hands while praying soon became holding each other while praying, and eventually the prayers became corrupt and/or ceased altogether. Then I began deceiving myself and twisting Scripture so that I could allow myself to sin and experience the physical intimacy of a mother-daughter relationship. The wrong circumstances eventually came into place, and I allowed them to suck at my breast. There was also a bit of kissing and genital probing. I initiated breaking up and confessing sin.
I believe the correct persons to confess to, beside God and the sexual partner, are the ones offended and the ones who help you in the healing process (not necessarily a pastor). With the single woman, I should have confessed the sin to her parents (non-Christians though they were); and for the married woman, I wish I would have apologized to her husband right away. The single woman and I were in a small culty church which admired our "close" relationship, so I confessed our sin in a home meeting so that no one would try to emulate us.
In my youth, the church gave detailed lectures on avoidance of fornication, but homosexuality was not mentioned. I think sexual sin especially grieves the heart of God because of the damage it does to ourselves and our relationship with Him, and our witness to the world. As soon as I cried out for help and confessed my sin, God met me with forgiveness; but I spent years reeling from inappropriate, inadequate, and ill-informed counsel from pastors. There is a time for confession to believers with whom you fellowship, and a time for exhortation; but I remind myself and others that there's a time of being washed, sanctified, and justified in Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 6:9-20). As a Christian we must place our identity in Christ, not in our sin -- this is major difference between Christianity and 12-step programs.
You can stop a sinful behavior, but you can't stop an identity; you have to exchange an unrighteous identity for an identity in Christ. You can not maintain an identity as a sinner and as a Christian simultaneously (1 John 3:4-10). You can not serve two masters (Luke 16:13). Though we were all sinners before salvation (1 Cor. 6:9-11), we are no longer enslaved to sin, but free to live righteously through the power of the Holy Spirit within us (Romans 6-8).
Years later while going through incest memory recall, I remembered a girlfriend in college who pulled the covers off my bed one night, laid on top of me and began kissing my face. I got up, remade my bed, said good-night, and then treated her as if nothing had happened. Since my mom emotionally abandoned me by cooperating in dad's abuse of me, I sought mother-daughter relationships with others; I found teachers to be reasonable substitutes. As I got older, I continued this dominant-submissive style of relating with my peers, often being the dominant one for a sense of control. Beware. Cult leaders often keep their followers in perpetual childhood (dependence, implicit trust and obedience) in order to control them. We are to be an eternal student to only one Teacher, and an eternal child to only one Parent (Matthew 23:8-12).
I would exhort adults of dysfunctional homes to look to your Almighty Parent in heaven to heal and to complete what was lacking in your childhood. No where does the Bible refer to God as Mother, so please understand I am not trying to introduce heresy when I suggest you let God "mother" you. When I look at the roles of the Holy Spirit: Helper, Guide, Teacher, and Comforter; they speak "female" to me. Both men and women were created in God's image, and in God's image we can find all we need to be male and female. I've found the physical comfort I lacked from my parents in the arms of my husband. If you're single, I suggest the safety of receiving physical comfort from someone in public (church or home meetings). Though I seek to glean wisdom from elderly female saints (Titus 2), they are not called to be surrogate mothers to me. Instead, I am to turn my focus toward being a mother to my own child (Psalm 45:10 and 16). After marriage and dealing with childhood incest, I feel more freedom in relating to women because I have developed healthy personal boundaries; and I can excuse myself from a relationship if someone disregards those boundaries.
"The term is used rather generally to refer to sexual contact between persons of the same gender. This "contact" may be fleeting, non-orgasmic, and occasional or it may represent an individual's dominant (if not exclusive) mode of sexual expression. In a very real sense, then, the term may be found in the psychological literature covering persons ranging from those who have had one or two half-hearted experiences to those for whom heterosexual contacts have been nonexistent. Comprehensive surveys suggest that perhaps 40% of the population have had at least one homosexual experience leading to orgasm whereas perhaps 1% of the sexually active population is exclusively homosexual." - from Barron's Student's Concise Encyclopedia _ 1988.
The 40% might seem high unless you include the children who have been abused by homosexual adults.
There is no excuse for sin. God has made His Holy Self known through creation to all, so non-Christians are responsible for rejecting His holy way of life (Romans 1:16-32). Christians have given the Holy Spirit control of their lives and live righteously, confessing and ceasing from sins that arise (Romans 8:1-25). God knows we inherited a sin nature from Adam and Eve, but we can not excuse our sins because of it, for God has given us His Spirit to overcome it. God does not excuse sins, He forgives them.
We will not be held responsible for the sins of our parents, neither can we excuse our sins because of how we were raised (Ezekiel 18). Each mature individual is accountable to God for his own actions. Knowing how we were raised may help us discern to which sins we are more susceptible, and we can count on the Holy Spirit to help us in those areas of weakness (Romans 8:26-27).
I have Polycystic Ovarian Disease. My endocrine glands are producing elevated amounts of estrogen (a female hormone) and androgen (a male hormone) which disrupts my menstrual cycles, lowers my metabolism (making it difficult to lose weight), lowers my speaking and singing voice, and produces male-pattern hair growth (hirsutism) and acne. How this disease is acquired has not been thoroughly researched. It may be hereditary, it may be caused by stress or trauma, or it may be a result of pre-pubescent sexual activity. Origins and cures are unknown.
My theory is that adult sexual activity forced upon a prepubescent child upsets the endocrine system. The child's body wants to physically respond to the sexual touching, and it prematurely jump starts the hormonal system, but because the system is immature, it never quite functions properly. When the child arrives at adolescence, the confused endocrine glands try, but fail to attain normalcy.
Before I was aware of this disease, I placed very strict rules on myself in regards to relationships with other women, even after I was married. Although time and forgiveness of my family for incest has brought me much healing, and hormonal therapy may normalize my body somewhat for a season, I still guard against homosexual sin. It is wise to protect a formerly weakened area. Former drunks avoid bars.
There has been research done on the size of the pituitary glands of male homosexuals, and I would not be surprised if many were found to be abnormal. God did not create this world for sin and disease, that was Satan's will put into action by Adam and Eve's disobedience. It is Satan's will for us to have physical inclinations toward sin, not God's. Some ethnic groups are known to have short tempers or an intolerance for alcohol. God has given us the power of His Holy Spirit to live righteously regardless of what physical inclinations we may have toward sin.
I would like to see medical research done on hormonal levels of adult male and female homosexuals and of prepubescent children who have been raped, and see if there are similarities or contrasts between these and the control groups.
The logical conclusion of evolutionary theory is to worship the earth which 'created' you. Those who prefer their sins, suppress the truth about God, not giving God the thanks and glory He deserves for His marvelous creation. By ignoring the beautiful basis of our human sexuality ("He created them male and female") and the boundaries God ordained to fulfill its expression, sinners can choose to be and do whatever they want with suppressed guilt.
Romans 1:18-27 "For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness; Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet."
This describes evolutionary theory as well as the types of graven images made by previous cultures. Though our Declaration of Independence declares God is our Creator, public schools insist upon teaching children that they are accidents of nature. And since sinners did not like to retain God in their knowledge or their textbooks, "God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient." Then follows a list which could apply to many in generations taught evolution as fact.
Romans 1:29-32 "Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them."
Many youth are so aware that their sinful conduct deserves death, that they wear black, listen to death music, and even commit suicide. They are without God and without hope in this world. They are prime targets for perverse predators who will show them a semblance of acceptance and worth.
True mental illness due to brain injuries or chemical imbalances can influence a person to perform all sorts of sins. Homosexuals lobbied the AMA in 1973 and had homosexuality removed from the medical mental illness list. It was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association in 1980. In 1994 pedophilia was removed as a mental illness and reclassified as an unfulfilled desire. Incest is still not listed at all.
I would imagine that since viewing someone's nakedness was such a grievous sin in the Old Testament (Leviticus 18), that all the public showers in schools, pools, gyms, workplaces, and prisons have had drastic sexual effects on our society.
Inaction of the church to address sexual matters squarely and Biblically is an appalling reason for sexual sins to continue. The church needs to clarify homosexuality as a sin which Jesus readily forgives, and to provide counseling to heal the root(s) which brought about the sinful actions. It needs to stop its dysfunctional practice of shaming those who have sinned sexually yet are seeking forgiveness and wholeness, and reinstitute excommunication for those who sin sexually and refuse to repent. Boot the boasting sinners; bear with the broken sinners.
In his pamphlet The Child Development Process (copyright 1993, available through Love In Action), John Smid states "Many studies show that the first four years lay the foundation for how we respond to events over the course of our entire life. Only through rebirth in Jesus Christ can we change our lives to the extent that we overcome negative effects of those first years," and "current studies estimate 1 in 3 girls will be abused by age 18--and 1 in 4 boys." Love In Action is a Christian ministry to homosexuals seeking help. It is based in San Rafael, California, (415) 454-0960. Of the approximately 200 people they see each year, they report 90% of the women and 65%-75% of the men were sexually abused before puberty.
Disassociating from your body due to physical/sexual abuse as a child. You view yourself as a third gender or totally alien from the human race. For me this led to idolatry of those who I perceived as truly feminine. I worked hard at becoming feminine, and it was the last and most difficult part of my identity to be healed. God put it to me simply, "I created you female in My Image; and as you become more like Me, you become more feminine." The same could be stated for men in regards to their masculinity. Masculinity and femininity are determined in God, who created male and female in His image.
Making oneself indistinguishable as male or female is to reject God as your Creator. 1 Corinthians 11:1-16 discusses the marital headship, which God instituted in Genesis 3:16b, of the husband being the head (director, not the dictator) of the family. Growing up in a family with which shuns God's order in the family tends to produce children with confused sexual identity. Except yourself as male or female because that's how God created you, and search God's Word for the commands and blessings which pertain to your gender. Do not compare yourself to what society, or even the church, claims is masculine or feminine.
When incest survivors are threatened, they tend to revert to what they know to be powerful (manly voice and strength similar to their perpetrator's). Though it can be a drastic and frightening "personality shift", it is neither multiple personality nor demon-possession. I think for some women, instead of vacillating between being perceived as weak (feminine) or strong (masculine), they find a comfortable medium. The society, including church culture, defines acceptable masculine and feminine behavior within each generation. Survivors rarely fit into society's norms. The Bible does not mention masculine and feminine, but defines male and female, and gives a few gender specific commands and blessings.
According to Webster, pornography is "originally a description of prostitutes and their trade; writings, pictures, etc. intended to arouse sexual desire; and the production of such writings, pictures, etc." Thus one of the root causes is prostitution. It definitely contributes to sexual crimes.
States with the highest readership of men's magazines had the highest rape rate, according to Baron and Straus as reported in Pornography and Rape in American States 1983.
Bryant and Zillman testified before the U.S. Senate in 1987 that research done over a five year period showed that exposure to non-violent, soft-core material developed an appetite for stronger, more violent and hard-core films and magazines. The escalation also caused men to trivialize rape. (Further information can be obtained through Protect the Children Resource Center (510) 674-1384.)
This would include any of the unhealed preceding roots coupled with the following:
No parent is perfect or able to love you perfectly. You will only find the proper parental love not received as a child in your heavenly Parent. Look towards your Heavenly Father's arms and the comfort of the Holy Spirit. It is also wise to seek parental-type guidance from older men and women (the grandparent types).
Titus 2:3-5 "The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."
1 Timothy 5:1-2 "Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity."
Leave unbalanced relationships (often co-dependent) in which learned dysfunctional family roles are still being performed: Teacher/student, Pastor/follower Boss/employee. Once you become an adult, this Parent/child relationship is solely reserved for you and the Father. To give anyone other than God complete authority over your life is to make them an idol. You can still be a student and a follower and an employee, but make sure your primary Teacher, Rabbi, and Master is Jesus Christ (see Matthew 23:8-11).
Could your actions could be perceived as courting? Courting activities include obsessive thoughts or talk about one person; spending lots of time with one person, to the exclusion of other relationships; writing notes and sending gifts other than holidays; and giving each other special names you only use in private. Beware of friends who want an exclusive relationship with you.
Romantic touching involves the intertwining of two souls. Romantic touching includes prolonged hugging, holding hands, holding each other back to front, mouth kissing, lying together clothed, and eventually lying together naked and consummating the relationship ("The two become one flesh").
Warning! Just because someone is a Christian and/or married does not mean they are free from the roots which might lead them into the sin of homosexuality.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall
not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor
idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with
mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners,
shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are
washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the
Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God."
Effeminate is malakos in Greek; meaning "bad soft", used of a catamite (a boy kept for homosexual relations with a man), or any male who submits his body to unnatural lewdness.
Abusers of themselves with mankind is arsenokoites in Greek; meaning "male sex", "steal sex", "steal male sex" or one who defiles self with mankind: sodomite or homosexual. The word is also used in 1 Timothy 1:10.
Expose the sin, and confront your partner with it: See James 5:16-20; and Matthew 18:15-17. If the person refuses to leave you alone, you can get a restraining order.
Hebrews 4:15-16 "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."
Jesus lived with twelve men for over three years, and had John "leaning on his breast"; He knows about homosexual temptation. Jesus not only forgave you for your sins while on the cross; He's also waiting for you to call out to Him to withstand sin whenever you are in need of strength, or mercy if you stumble.
Keep battling the lies and accusations with the truth that Jesus already completely paid the penalty for your sin on the cross. God no longer holds it against you (Col. 2:13-15), and He fully embraces you as His child.
2 Cor 5:19 "that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation." (NIV)
Receive counseling, preferably from a happily married couple who can demonstrate proper male and female roles. Ask if you can just hang out and observe them. Not all counseling is done through deep discussions. Just feeling accepted in a healthy home can do wonders for your soul. Ask God's Spirit to guard you from books and counselors who seek to control your thoughts and actions.
Romans 5:17 "For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ."
Romans 6:11-14 "Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace."
Jesus has already accepted you; you don't have to perform for his acceptance. He has given you power over sin so that it will no longer master and enslave you. We don't stop sinning in order to receive God's grace; we have received God's grace and by His power we can stop sinning.
Establish your comfort zones and boundaries, and tell them to your friends. Things like: please, no kisses on the cheek; no late-nite talks in the bedroom, etc.. Communicate any changes as you feel more secure. Those who are truly your friends will abide by them. If you start seeing some danger signs, try to converse about them; but don't be afraid to just walk out of the relationship and let God handle hurt feelings. It's O.K. not to have the strength to live in harmony with all people.
Romans 12:18 "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men."
Trust Jesus to help you establish healthy relationships with the same sex. Let His grace and power overcome the fear of falling into sin again. Ask Him to give you faith and hope for a healthy lifestyle.
If married, discuss your sex life with your spouse and how you might improve upon it. If single, determine whether or not you'd like to remain single and celibate, or if you might like to pursue relationships with the opposite sex in hopes of marriage. Masturbation is not mentioned in the Bible; whether or not it's a sin is between you and God. Ask God to give you proper sexual desires and to fulfill your sexual needs His way in His time.
© 1997 L. Eve Engelbrite